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Column: Dealing with crazy exes
by Lauretta Hannon
Columnist
June 26, 2014 04:12 PM | 4166 views | 1 1 comments | 11 11 recommendations | email to a friend | print
Lauretta Hannon
Lauretta Hannon
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Q: I recently started dating someone I think I have a future with. He evidently has a trail of exes — all seemingly insane and utterly obsessed with him. Two are trying to wage a social media war with me, as if we are in seventh grade, and they persist in calling my boyfriend. He replies by calmly telling them not to call, which so far has not worked. On one hand, I understand that often there is much wisdom in not escalating someone else’s “crazy.” However, I am hurt my boyfriend has not responded more vehemently to his — and now my — stalkers. How do you handle your new love’s crazy exes?

A: You urge your beau to step up and take a stronger position. He might even need to change his phone number. Ignore the social media campaign and block them as best you can. It isn’t your job to handle the exes; it is his. He must put them in their place or at least prevent their intrusions.

Q: How do you know you’ve made peace with something, or if you’re just really in denial about it?

A: According to the Mayo Clinic, denial is a coping mechanism in which you refuse to acknowledge a stressful problem or situation, avoid facing the facts of the situation or minimize the consequences of the situation.

Short-term denial can be helpful, as it gives you time to adjust to a distressing issue. Chronic denial is destructive and will gnaw at you the longer you turn away from the problem. It’s a dangerous game of rejecting your truth and trying to escape pain. Yeah, that never ends well. Denial feels terrible, too. On the other hand, being at peace is the ultimate state of “feeling good.” When at peace you have a calm that’s unaffected by which way the wind blows. In times of jubilation and in times of sorrow, you are centered, in harmonious balance. You still go through emotions, of course, but you’re not controlled by them. And when at peace, you’re not trying to control things either. You have freed yourself from that bondage.

Finally, being at peace means you’re alive and aligned with the present. Wherever you go and whatever you go through, you feel at home. Why? Because you are at home within yourself.

Q: Is it wrong that I find that “Happy” song somewhat annoying?

A: Sadly, the “Happy” song has worn out its welcome. It’s hard to go anywhere without hearing it. Ubiquity has made it lose its luster.

In the 1980s there was a huge hit by Bobby McFerrin called “Don’t Worry, Be Happy.” My ears were so often subjected to that tune it made me want to punch a hole in the wall or run over stuffed animals with my car.

In a similar vein, I recently joined a professional association for folks interested in the latest research on humor. The organization’s website oozes with photos of people sporting clown noses and exaggerated comedic faces. These images nearly made me flee the site and not become a member. Come to think of it, these “happy” shots were overdone and overused, just like the “Happy” song.

Send your questions to notyourgrannysadvice@gmail.com.

Lauretta Hannon, a resident of Powder Springs, is the bestselling author of “The Cracker Queen — A Memoir of a Jagged, Joyful Life” and a keynote speaker. Southern Living has named her “the funniest woman in Georgia.” See more at www.thecrackerqueen.com.
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Appalachick
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July 04, 2014
Thank you so much for your insights. You help people more than you know.
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